Toby

He was our first baby. Fur baby. Although technically he's not a baby when we got him, he was almost 7 years old then. He was given to us September 2012 by my college classmate and friend, Melanie. They have had Toby since he was a puppy but cannot keep him anymore since they had to downsize from their home to an apartment. Most of the apartments around their area doesn't allow pets particularly bigger dogs.

I can still remember that day so vividly when we welcomed Toby in our home. He's excited because of the new surroundings and he did not really know that he's now got a new place to live. When Melanie and her family left, Toby was so sad. He kept on barking at them. When we got to the house, he stayed by the door. He kept on looking outside hoping that they will come back for him. That first night, he stayed at our bedroom looking so lost. I felt so bad for him.

At Barnes and Noble Promenade. A day after we got him.

The first few days was hard for him. He would always just be at the door looking outside. I think after a couple of weeks, he started opening himself to us. Dogs like people have different personalities. I haven't had a dog like Toby before. He's very quiet and mellow. Like an old soul. He's not particularly playful. He pretty much just sleeps most of the day. However like most dogs, he likes to eat and go outside for fresh air. He's also especially fond of Topher. They have a special bond that Toby and I never had. Toby would always wait for him to get home. He's always so excited when Topher's home from work. Everyday they would go for his afternoon walks especially when the weather's nice.

We had a pretty good year with Toby. He brought laughter, joy and fun in our everyday life. He's a pretty damn good dog. Whenever we both had to go to work, he just patiently waits for us to get home. He'll be barking and wagging his cute tail with his toy cheetah in his mouth. :) He'll make a couple of circles around the house before dropping his toy and barking again. He wants to go outside at that point.

Then around late October last year, we noticed that he's not eating his dry dog food as much as he use to. So what we did was mix wet dog food with the dry, he would eat for a couple of days, then he won't eat again. Then we switch to table food with his dog food. It's the same thing, he'll eat for a day or two and then he'll lose interest again. We got concern because he's losing weight significantly. We scheduled for a vet visit and they had his blood tested. A day after, we learned that he has high amount of calcium in his blood. :( The vet explained that it could be a couple of things but the usual suspects are hyperparathyroidism or cancer. They have to do another blood run to rule out which one is it. If it is hyperparathyroidism, then we can operate on the tumor. If it is cancer, then it will be a harder battle to fight. The second blood run took longer to get results because it will be sent out of state for testing.

While waiting for the result, Toby had a very bad day. It was last December 11, a day after Topher and VJ's birthday (both are Toby's human dads). Toby was very weak and his breathing was very labored, I thought he's not gonna make it that day. I called Melanie to let her know about Toby's condition. They visited Toby that day. I felt it made a difference to Toby to see his original human parents, he survived that day. We received the results of the tests a few days after, it is what I feared it would be. The C word.

Topher and I talked about the results even before we received it. We've researched and read about the options that we have. We thought if it is operable like hyperparathyroidism, we can try to see if we can afford it. If it is cancer, and chemo is the likely option, we may have to opt out of it. As much as I want to cure Toby of this disease, chemotherapy in his age may not yield favorable results. He's almost 8 years old then and may not be strong enough to withstand the sessions. Shar pei's lifespan are 9-11 years on average. Honestly, it's also a lot of money. We do not have pet insurance for him. And we have a baby on the way to think of too.

After receiving the results of the second blood test, we told the vet that we would do the palliative care route. This is basically giving him steroids (prednisone) to get him his appetite back. After a couple of days with the prednisone, he's back to his old self. He started eating heartily again. He gain a couple of pounds. :) We celebrated the holidays happily with Toby. I've been talking to him, bargaining actually to make it through a couple of dates for us. The holidays (Christmas and New Year), his birthday (January 8), my birthday (January 26) and the birth of our son.

About 2 weeks ago, he started to not eat again even though he's still on medication. He lost the weight that he gained and more. He was also having significant muscle weakness, he flops from a sitting position to lying down. :( He still remains alert and would bark when the doorbell rung. Last Monday, (February 10) Topher mentioned that his muscle weakness was so bad that he cannot walk back to the house after relieving himself. :( He had to carry Toby back to the house. His breathing was very labored too. It will take him a couple of minutes before he can catch his breath back. I saw it for myself when I got home. He went to the backyard to pee before bedtime and it took him forever to come back. Then we saw him just sitting in the snow. :( He's too tired to climb up the deck. Topher had to carry him back to the house. I can't help but cry for him. Poor Toby.

It was last Saturday when we finally had to say goodbye to him. It was just the two of us that day, Topher went to CDH for work. Saturday is cleaning day and I just finished vacuuming our room and hauling the hamper to do the laundry when I fell on my butt while going down the stairs. I called the hospital and they said that I need to come in for observation (this warrants a different entry). Anyway, me and baby are okay, Thank God! When I got home, Toby and I went out the front door for him to pee. He was able to make it to his pee spot, but again had trouble going back. I carried him back to the house. Topher came home half an hour later and we had dinner with Gisselle and Jacq. They came by to get a couple of Gisselle's stuff.

While watching tv (NBA All-Star weekend), we noticed that Toby's breathing is not slowing down at all. Before, whenever he breathes heavily, it will take him a couple of minutes to be okay. Not this time. He can't find a position to be comfortable in. He tried laying on his stomach, sitting, standing, laying on his side. Nothing. :( This lasted for a couple of hours. Then Topher asked me if I want to take him to the emergency vet that night. He's telling me that maybe it's time for Toby to finally rest. He's in too much pain just to breathe. So I called the emergency vet to check and ask for details. The lady on the phone said to just come in whenever we are ready.

How can I be ready? How do you say goodbye to someone who has been with you for 72 weeks? Who gave us joy, laughter and sometimes tears? My heart broke that night. It's still broken.

On the way to the emergency vet, Toby was quiet. His breathing isn't labored and I secretly hoped that we don't have to go through the procedure. When we reached the pet hospital, we were given a room so that a vet tech can check him. We were told that he had to be given oxygen first that way he'll be comfortable before giving him the medicine because of his labored breathing. A couple of minutes later, the vet came to let us know that he suffered respiratory arrest even before they were able to give him oxygen. :( He's not breathing anymore and his heartbeat slow. When we saw him for the last time, it was unnerving to see him not struggling to breathe. He was finally at peace.

Our dearest Toby, thank you for staying with us for as long as you did. We miss you so much. We miss seeing you on your usual spots: by the foot of the stairs, by the doors, in your bed. We miss hearing your heavy paw steps and your barks when we come home. We know you're in better place, a place where there is no more pain and suffering but we're still having a hard time with you gone. We will always remember you Towb. We love you. 

eating snow was one of his favorite things to do

remembering...

It's been 4 years now that I have not celebrated All Saint's Day with my family. It had been a family tradition and still a tradition since Ate Malou passed in 2002 that we get-together at the cemetery to honor and remember all the our departed loved ones.

Ate Malou, Lola (cute) Juling and Lolo Tacio, we terribly miss you all.

O God our Father,

Creator of all the living, we entrust to Your gentle care all those we love who have gone before us;

and have gone to their rest in the hope of rising again.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners,

now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

thank you, Steve Jobs.

I am not a snob. When it comes to computers, I use whatever. But there are people who are. It's either you're a MAC or a PC. And I can understand why. Yesterday however, two worlds gather together to mourn the loss of a creative genius. Steve Jobs died yesterday at the age of 56. He had been first diagnosed of pancreatic cancer in 2004 and won the battle with it. But his health never really recovered, taking 6-12 months break to better focus on his health. Just last August 2011, he officially resigned a Apple's CEO. Yesterday, he finally said goodbye.

I think there is not one person in this generation that had not been touch by Jobs' creative genius. From the MAC, to the iPod, iPhone and iPad. It's the only electronic store that I know of that have people lining up just to get their hands on these gadgets. And that happens every time a new release comes. That is excruciatingly hard to achieve in this trying economy, but he did it.

Apple's current homepage, paying tribute to their founder

Mr. Jobs, you've done so well. You've touch millions and millions of people in this lifetime. You're one helluva genius with all the amazing innovations that you've done and you're gonna be sorely missed.

on saying Goodbye

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.  ~ From a headstone in Ireland

I know I've been away for a while. Everything on my normal routine for the past 2 years were shaken because of a phone call that I received last July 24. I can still remember it so vividly, we just got home after having Friday night dinner at Hooters and catching Angelina's latest flick, Salt when my Nanay called me. She was apparently been calling for more than 2 hours but I'm oblivious since we're busy with the movie.

I asked what's wrong because I know her voice when she's crying. She told me something bad happen to Lola. Our Lola cute, her mom. Lola suffered a heart attack while she's admitted at the hospital for pneumonia. I can't believe it. I asked how it happened and she narrated how it went. I know that Lola was admitted at the hospital the week before. I've seen and spoke to her (Lola) the Saturday before that through Skype. I asked her how she was, she said she's not that great. She's having a hard time with her coughing because of pneumonia. She said she's taking antibiotics and will be back to the hospital for a check-up that coming week. I was then told that she was admitted Thursday that week.

The heart attack was quick and near fatal. I was told that she was revived after 25 minutes and sent to Intensive Care. Her doctors made it very clear that her chance of survival was very slim. They only gave her 5%. Nanay told me that we should prepare ourselves for anything, but still we all hoped. Lola actually woke up the following day, she was able to wiggle her toes and fingers. She even nods and understand when spoken to. So we all thought that maybe it would get better. We hoped and prayed hard. But God had different plans, another heart attack happened and that time she's too weak to fight.

It was just so sad on my part since I didn't get to see Lola before she passed. I could have been able to say my goodbyes. The next couple of days had been hard. Returning back to Manila is bittersweet. I had to brace myself for what was in store for the next couple of days. I'm happy to be able to see my family again yet so sad to return home under the circumstances.

Lola, I pray that you're happy wherever you are. We miss you so much. The most simple things remind us of you. I know you're not ready to go when you did but I pray that you'll find the peace that we all want for you. Please say hi to Ate Malou for us, I know you're together now. We love you 'La and Happy 73rd Birthday.